Cat-astrophe
by Pinky and the Brain
Summary: A battle with Malfoy goes wrong and suddenly Ron's gotten hairier! Snape is acting strange and everyone is telling Ron all their secrets. Why does Harry have so many more scars?...hmmm...sounds like a good story to me! Ch. 3 IS NEW!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling is the best! And AstRONomy is such a cool subject.  
  
As/N: I AM FREEE!!!!!! ("Pinky calm your self you only got out of school not prison!") But Bwain, school is pwison!(*roles eye balls slowly up to the heavens* Well not precisely pinky*…") yeah yeah bla bla bla WHO CARES?!(Oh just read the story.)*Pinky starts jumping off the walls*. Bwain, I mean Brain takes over the keyboard. Yes well the plot is mine, but Pinky is helping immensely (I'm doin' all da wok!) Pinky, stop interupting! Yes well, I have been rather busy…(Writing X-men fanfiction you mean!) Pinky, get away from the keyboard!! Pinky! PINKY!!!!! …..oh never mind just read the story.   
  
Any lines between *stars* are Ron's alter ego talking.  
~*~*~  
  
It was a typical day at Hogwarts.  
  
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU MALFOY!"  
  
Well maybe not so typical.  
  
"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY WEASLEY!"  
  
There was a blasting of wands and a big cloud of smoke from Ron's side as the two archenemies began shouting endless curses at each other in mindless rage. Draco waited until the smoke cleared to see what he had done…  
  
"Oops" came out of him.  
  
"Meow" came the reply.  
  
"OOPS" he repeated "I'm in biiiiig trouble," he groaned. It was well known that using transfiguration spells on students was an offence that got people expelled no matter who their parents were. If McGongal or Dumbledore found out he was toast. Draco tried to remember any reversal charms but just then he heard something that made his skin crawl.   
  
"Malfoy what are you doing in the corridor?" came McGonagall's voice "Don't you have class?"   
  
Malfoy froze. Yep, he was toast. He had to come up with an excuse FAST.   
  
"Er…y-yes p-professor I was just er… p-potions…uh…you now how professor   
Snape is when us students are late and I was just… the bathroom… and bye!"   
  
He ran as fast as he could, whimpering down the hall. Ron just stared after him…what was wrong with Malfoy and didn't the professor see that there had been a wizarding battle going on… what was wrong with her? Didn't she see him? Suddenly he watched as Professor McGonagall looked over to him and then to the left and the right (you never knew when Peeves was going to show up). What was wrong with her? Just then the unthinkable happened…she scooped him up and started kissing him and rubbing him against her cheek!  
  
"Whoah professor yuck * spit spit * GO AWAY! " But only meows came out! "Oh my GOD!!!! I'm-I'm-I'm---AAA---" Professor McGonagall started to scratch him behind the ears. With out thinking Ron found himself purring and that is the last thing you want to find yourself doing after you have just discovered you're a cat trust me. Professor McGonagall put him down as if he were made of crystal.  
  
"Bye kitty witty see you waeter" she said waving at him merrily.  
  
'Ok…' Ron thought 'Don't panic…I am a CAT… because of Malfoy -He is dead meat-*oh what are you going to do Ron, spit a hairball at him?* SHUT UP MIND… so the best thing to do is to stay calm, *WHAT DO YOU MEAN STAY CALM, RON ,YOU ARE A CAT!'* he thought as his orange stripy fur started to stand up on end.   
  
With out thinking he began to lick his paws…'OH YUCK WHAT AM I DOING!!!!' his mind screamed angrily…still he reasoned he couldn't go around school with all that dust on his fur and with his coat sticking up, what would the other cats say…  
  
*Will you stop thinking about the other cats and starting trying to think about how to get us out of this mess!*   
  
'Look Mind, I know you're not happy, but if you had thought of a quicker spell to yell at Malfoy, then none of this would have happened so shut up! I'm in charge now.'  
  
*Oh great we're leaving the stupid one in charge…who can't even deal with his crush on Hermione…With you at the head, we'll probably end up curled up in her lap for the rest of our LIVES!!!! *  
  
'I'm warning you Mind, keep it up and I shut you up for good.' *HUMPH!*  
  
'Now the important thing is to try and get to the Potions Dungeon, so I can find Harry and Herm. They'll know what to do…'  
  
*If they know who we are*  
  
'Oh, be quiet already. Of course they will.'  
  
*I'm telling you, their just going to think we're some stray cat they haven't seen around…*  
  
'Mind, this IS your last warning. One more word and I shut you down.'  
  
*Yeah yeah…*  
  
Ron, now a rather cute orangey kitten, began to patter down the halls of Hogwarts trying to sniff out Harry and Hermione. On time as usual, the bell rang and Ron saw Harry and Hermione come out of potions looking sour… No surprise there, It WAS Snape's class after all. Harry looked especially disgusted with his lips pursed and his eyes narrowed.  
  
"Stop it Harry its not Ron's fault!" Hermione grumbled to him.  
  
'What's not my fault?' Ron thought.  
  
" Listen Hermione I know Ron hates potions but that isn't an excuse for him not to come, I mean I had to have Malfoy as a partner today and scary things happen with him around…Did you see how he kept knocking things over! What was wrong with him?!"  
  
Hermione let out a snort.  
  
"So what's it got to do with Ron?" she asked.   
  
" Well if he had come to class I would have of…uh…been able to be his partner."  
  
Hermione let out another snort.  
  
"Yeah, whatever Harry-hey who's this?" she asked as she spotted Ron walking towards them.  
  
'Oh Hermione, there you are, you got to help us, I mean, ME. you see, Malfoy, THAT PRAT, turned me---You mean us--- Stop, interrupting, do you want to confuse her? I mean he turned me into a cat and you got to reverse the spell and…  
  
"Ooooohhhh, he's so cute," murmured Hermione, "Listen to him meow, oh sweetie, are you hungry?"  
  
'Hermione! Not now, didn't you hear I word I said! This is serious!'  
  
"Harry I think he is hungry, we should take him back to the common room with us."  
  
'Hermione, don't you know me?' *Ha I TOLD you…*  
But Harry was talking by now.  
  
"Well you'd better not show him to Ron you now how he hates cats, Now Ginny on the other hand…" Hermione ignored the dreamy look on Harry's face as she bent down to scratch Ron on the head. The rest of the class was exisiting the dungeon and the last to leave was...  
  
Draco suddenly turned the corner facing them. Ron automatically started spiting and hissing at him in rage, his fur standing on end. Draco on the other hand looked like he was trying to scream but no sound was coming out till finally…  
  
"AAAAHHHHH!" he burst and went running down the corridor.  
  
Harry had a big grin on his face that clashed with the look of disbelief at the same time.  
  
"I always said he was weird," murmured Hermione with an eyebrow raised as Harry snorted and started chuckling evilly.   
  
"Hey! A cat that scares Malfoy! Cool! Can I have him Hermione?"  
  
"No, Harry, I'm going to have to give him to professor McGonagall."   
  
They went down a few corridors until they reached the staff room where Hermione knocked on the door. Professor McGonagall emerged. "Yes Miss Granger?"   
  
"We found this kitten after class," she said raising him up at professor McGonagall.  
  
"You don't now who's kitten it is?" she asked.  
  
"No Professor, we don't think it belongs to anyone. We haven't seen him around."  
  
"Hmmm… I will take it for awhile, I'll think of someone to give him to."  
  
"Ok professor but just in case I am always available," Hermione called to her as she and Harry left.  
  
'Oh no' Ron thought as he watched his love-salvation, Mind, not love-*Yeah sure right*--- walk down the away from him.   
  
Professor McGonagall took him into the staff room.  
  
"Oooooohhh" squealed professor Sinistra.  
  
Professor McGonagall put him down in the circle of female professors.  
  
Professor Sprout put some catnip next to him as professor Trelawney said, "Let me check if it's a boy or a girly…"   
  
"Hey professor don't touch me there!" He meowed in embarrassment, but before he could bat her hand away the catnip hit him. Without even knowing what was going on he began to pounce around on it.   
  
"Oh, he is soooooooo cute, squealed Trelawney, as McGonagall rolled her eyes. Still she had to admit he did look adorable rolling all over the table with the catnip in his paws…maybe she would keep him…   
  
Suddenly all noise stopped as the door flew opened. They all turned their heads towards the door only to see Severus Snape.  
  
"Honestly" he said looking at all of them in disgust "A feline? How childish."  
  
"Well Severus just because we like cats doesn't mean that…" professor Sinistra tried to finish her words but professor McGonagall raised her hand in silence.  
  
"As a matter of fact, Severus, we all have classes at this time, which we need to attend. I will leave the cat here until further arrangements can be made. In the meantime Severus, do NOT harm him, " she said coming back to her real self. With that, all the teachers stood and headed for the door leaving a stuttering Snape behind them.   
  
Once the room had cleared he stepped over to Ron who gulped at the sight of Snape. Looking him over carefully, the potion's professor picked him up gingerly by the scruff of the neck and started inspecting him.  
  
"Hmmm," he said "Blue eyes with an orange stripy coat, as if we don't have enough Weasleys around here. Thank god that the two twins graduated last year. I don't think I could have taken another year of the ingredients cabinet exploding in the middle of the night or my toilet bursting into flames upon opening the door...But you are kind of…well…cute."  
  
Ron's jaw dropped. Was this Professor Snape? Snape sat down in his chair at the corner of the staff room placing Ron in his lap. Ron wasn't sure how to react... the person he hated most in the world, after Voldemort and Malfoy, was scratching his head!!   
  
"You know I had a cat once…he wasn't as cute as you, but he was alright. He drowned unfortunately in a potion I was making that had a great deal of catnip in it." Snaped shudder a little. "Needless to say I never used that particular potion again." Snape had turned Ron on his back and was scratching his tummy. "Would you like to stay with me? I'll call you Ron after that hopeless boy in class that's in love with the know-it-all he sits with…but that's another story. Would like that, kitty? Ronniekins?"  
  
Ron felt his whole mind reeling. He was a cat. He was in Professor Snape's lap. Professor Snape was calling him Ronniekins.   
'THIS IS A DISASTER!'   
*I don't know…this guy know how to rub a tummy*   
'Mind, this is SNAPE we are talking about!'  
*You mean thinking about*  
'WHATEVER!! It's just not right, it not human…oh yes, just a little more to the right…that's it that's the spot professor Snape, purr purr…wait did he say I was in love with Hermione?'  
*duh*  
'Maybe we'll---I mean I---will stay with him after all…"  
  
AN: Ron's a cat. Snape's being nice. WILL THE MADDNESS EVER STOP!! Not while we're in charge….BWHAHAHA!!!!   



	2. Part 2

Disclaimer: J.k Rowling is the best writer ever! And AaRON is a CJJL name. (she's obcessed…Am NOT Bwain, are too, am not, are too, not, too, not, too…ignore us…not, too, not, too, not…)  
  
As/N: Well we left off with Snape yes? (Yeah I wote da hole chapter!) Pinky shut up or I will have to physically hurt you. X-Men rule! (wrong story Bwain) errr I mean Harry Potter Rules! (Yeah right) *Brain grabs a giant pencil and wacks Pinky on the head* Just read the story.   
  
Okay, before we begin, we'd like to remind you that all text between stars is Ron's alter ego, 'Mind', talking. We know it can be rather difficult to read but we don't know how to make the text come up in Italics.   
  
  
Part 2:   
  
Before Snape knew it, the bell rang for the next class. He COULD NOT be caught cuddling a cat; (even a cute orangey Ronniekins kitty) so he placed Ron on the table and waited for the other teachers to come in.   
  
"Oh Prof. You don't have to put me down," meowed Ron "**I thought we hated Snape** Shut up you…"  
  
"Oh don't meow kitty…I'll take you as soon as Minerva leaves. Can't have her seeing me petting you, can we? Don't want her thinking I'm soft…Of course I don't actually care what she thinks but…."  
  
Sure enough Professor McGonagall came striding in, in her brisk manor.   
  
" Serevus, you haven't harmed the cat, have you?"  
  
"NO, I haven't touched your stupid feline, Minerva, now stop pestering me! I, UNLIKE some, have important things to do."  
  
Professor McGonagall scowled. "Like reading your Potions book upside down?" she said sweetly. In the haste he had taken to get rid of the cat he didn't notice that his book was-bottom side up.   
  
"Err-I am -experimenting in some new information--- osmosis theories pertaining to study information with ---the book upside down---I think it might enhance a persons ability to memorize the information."  
  
In Professor Snapes mind: 'Did that sound as lame as I think it did?'  
In Professor McGonagall's mind: 'That is such an interesting fascinating idea…he is so smart and handsome…**deep sigh**…'  
  
Shaking her head Professor McGonagall, shook her dreamy romantic ideas away (Snape and McGonagall, Bwain? That's GROSS!! Pinky, it's a comedy stop, whining…)  
  
"Yes, well I have decided to let Hermione Granger take the cat. She seemed anxious to do so and no one else wants him…Snape why have you just turned that **interesting ** shade of green?"  
  
"Errr---must be a side effect to reading the book up side down. Do whatever you want with the cat. I don't care."  
  
"YAY!!!" meowed Ron. "I get to stay with Hermione! I get to stay with Hermione… **and this is the being I'm supposed to be trusting to get us back to our human form? Oh brother, we are really lost for good **"  
  
Professor McGonagall picked up Ron and placed him in the nook of her arm leaving the room and a sulky Snape behind her, waving good bye to his wittle Ronniekins from behind his upside down Potions Book.  
  
Ron felt a little sad…but the thought of living with Hermione WAS rather grand. Cuddling with Hermione, purring with Hermione, SLEEPING with Hermione…  
  
'** WILL YOU GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!! You're supposed to be thinking of a way to get us back!!*** I know, I know, Mind. But think, it's Hermione… **Why do I know I'm going to have to take matters into my own paws-I mean hands….**'   
  
Just then Professor McGonagall reach the Gryffindor common. Saying the password she marched in saying, "Miss Granger! Are you here?"  
  
Hermione, who was huddle in a corner with several other Gryffindors, turned around quickly. "Yes, Professor?"  
  
"I believe you said that you would be willing to take care of this cat we found?"  
"Of course," said Hermione excitedly.  
"Well you can. We found no one else willing to take him."  
"Thanks!" she said, scooping Ron into her arms.   
'Aaaahhhhh, Hermione's arms…' thought Ron, shutting down the part of his mind that was shouting and threatening to kill him.  
  
As soon as Professor McGonagall left, Hermione took him over to where the others were sitting.   
  
"Do you think we should tell her?" asked Ginny.  
  
"NO!" said Harry. Ron yawned and looked over Hermione's arm to see what they were talking about. A part of his brain thought Harry was just a little too close to Ginny for comfort.   
  
"But he could be in trouble, " murmured Ginny nervously.   
"Look if we tell Professor McGonagall that Ron has skipped three classes, she's going to doc points from Gryfffindor and give Ron detention till next Chirstmas. We'll give him to the end of the day and if he doesn't show up then we call her," said Hermione scratching the cat/Ron on the head.   
  
'Why Hermione I didn't know you cared… **oh please don't start that again**'  
  
Hermione jumped as the cat she was holdinging started squirming around.   
  
"Oh, kitty don't worry. When Ron gets here he'll love you so much…"  
  
'But Hermione, It's me' meowed Ron desperately. All he got was a tummy rub in return. Not that that was a bad thing…  
  
Later in the evening Hermione was still holding the now sleeping Ron-cat in her arms. "We should find you a name kitty-witty," she said playfully.   
  
Twisting her head around she called reluctantly to giggling group of girls in the corner.   
  
" LAVENDER ,PARVATI, COME HERE AND HELP FIND A NAME FOR THE KITTEN!" she yelled. After all she thought, they all deserved to share in naming the cat.   
  
Parvaiti had lifted the now awake and yawning Ron out of Hermione's lap and was rubbing his nose against her cheek. "I know," she said "why don't we can call him Rose Petal? He's soooo cute…"  
  
Ron looked up at Parvati and thought ' You-are-not-naming-me-ROSE PETAL!'  
  
"We are not naming the cat Rose Petal, Parvati," said Hermione flatly.  
  
'Good on you, Herm,' Ron thought.  
  
"Ooh I know-"said Lavender in a dreamy voice"-how about Seamus "  
  
"Oh gross, look never mind you two…You guys go read Teen Witches and I'll find a name for the cat," said Hermione shaking her head at the two dreamy drooly girls. Really, Seamus? Didn't the two of them neck enough as it was without naming animals after each other? Gross. She knew she could think of better name…yes the cat needed a short name, but one with some charisma, and maybe…oh I don't know …one that began with the letter 'R'…  
  
Smiling she took the Ron-cat up to her dorm and sat down with him on the bed.   
  
"Oh I wish I could call you Ron. It's the perfect name for you-"she said in a low voice"-but then every one would know."  
  
'Know what Hermione?' Ron thought mischievously.  
  
"Oh how I wish I could tell him everything," She said dreamily.  
  
'Tell me what Hermione?'  
  
"Hey! I could tell you-"  
  
'TELL ME WHAT HERMIONE?!!?!?!?!?'  
  
"-I mean its not like you'll tell him or any thing."  
  
'JUST TELLME ALREADY!!!! **My my, Ronniekins aren't we getting agitated*** Mind don't you start!'  
  
But Hermione just sighed and said, "My you do meow a lot. Never mind, its dinner now so I'll tell you tonight ok? Bye."   
  
And she left so Ron curled up on her bed.  
'Well I guess there's nothing I can do now…Just have to wait until she gets back. ' And so he started to snooze while he waited for Hermione to come back and tell him all of what she had to say.  
  
Meanwhile at dinner…  
  
The Gyffindor's had gathered in the main hall huddled together hoping the ever-watchful eyes of McGonagall wouldn't notice the missing Ron.   
  
"He didn't show up for Quidditch practice, Hermione," said Harry nervously.  
  
"I know," said Hermione.   
  
"You watch the Quidditch practice?" asked Seamus looking up from Lavender's neck, which he had been kissing.   
  
"Yeah---I mean NO! Why would I watch the Quidditch practice? And when Ron was playing? I have no reason to watch Quidditch practice especially when I know a hot sweaty Ron is going to be strutting all over the place---"   
  
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Oookayyy, I'm not going to try and think about what you mean by that. But the point is that Ron is definitely missing and I don't think its just skipping class. I say we go to McGonagall."  
  
"Are you sure we couldn't just wait till morning?" asked Hermione "I mean what if he just skipped to Hogsmeade?"  
  
Harry looked between Ginny who was pale and trembling and Hermoine's pleading eyes."  
  
"Okay,okay…but if he is just at Hogsmeade I'm going to kill him when he gets back."  
  
"Deal," said Hermione revealed that Ron was off the hook till morning. Death Harry was far better than death by McGonagall. Besides she thought, maybe he really was at Hogsmeade. Maybe he was getting something for her. Maybe he was thinking about her right then…or maybe he was flirting with some girl at the Three Broomsticks. Maybe THAT'S why he hadn't come back. Yes if he was at Hogsmeade he had better hope Harry killed him first, because though Harry's murdering was surely easier than McGonagall, Death by her hands was surely worse. 'I won't kill him, I'll transfigure him, into a rat or a weasel or a cat…CAT!" she had left her cat alone in the girls dormitory.  
  
  
"Look, I have to go check on the cat," she said standing up.  
"We have to go too, we need our beauty sleep," said Parvati and Lavender.  
  
"Oh, Lav, you don't need beauty sleep…" said Seamus droolingly.   
  
Hermione felt her stomach turn. Those two could make Madam Pomfry sick.   
Turning she left for the dorms with the Ditz Witches behind her ignoring how Lavender kept looking back to blow kisses to Seamus.   
  
c@t*c@t*c@t*c@t*c@t*  
  
  
"Hello, Kitten," called Hermione after Parvati and Lavender had rushed to the bathroom for a 'midnight makeover'.   
  
"I'm glad you showed up, you're a lot nicer than Crookshanks; he's my other cat. But don't tell him okay?" she said laughing and flouncing on the bed.   
  
'Oh I would NEVER do that, Hermione. **And we're back to the drooling**'  
Ron meowed mischievously.  
  
"I can't wait for Ron to see you, kitty. He pretends to hate cats but I know he'd like you..."  
  
'Trust me Herm, I'll never look at cats the same again.'  
  
"Maybe I SHOULD call you Ron! You have orange fur just the color of his hair."  
  
'Good idea.'  
"But no, maybe not.."  
  
'O come on Hermione, what possible reason could you have to not to call me Ron?' he thought licking his paws. ' **Ron will you stop doing that!? Your getting hair in our mouth!** I have to keep up appearances **Oh yeah like Hermione's going to notice if we have a bad fur day.** Look Mind, just butt out. **Uh huh. We have look all pretty pretty for the Cinnamon girl…**" Ron felt a sudden rush a anger at his alter ego…  
  
"Oh, kitty why are you growling? Did I hurt you?"  
  
'Oh, Herm you could never do that…Unless you really DID kiss Victor Krum.'  
  
Finally Hermione picked up the Ron/cat and snuggled him into the nook of her arm. "Would you like to know a secret, kitty?"  
  
'YES YES TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!!! **Will you please get a grip Ron?**'  
  
"You know, Ron, the boy I've been talking about?'  
  
"YES YES GO ON, GO ON! **Cat's don't drool Ron, only dog's**' Ron ignored his alter ego.   
  
"Well," she said as she pulled her pajamas out of her chest "We've know each other forever…and at first he was a real pain in the neck."  
  
Ron felt his ego plummet something like five thousand feet.   
  
"…But then he saved me from this troll in my first year and we became best friends."  
  
Ron's ego lifted about a hundred feet but he still didn't get his hopes up.   
  
"And then we got to fourth year and he got this incredible crush on a girl named Fluer. I wanted to kill her, kitty. You know like chop her up in little pieces and feed her to Crookshanks."  
  
Hermione, with her pajamas in hands, came and sat down next to the cat/Ron who was licking his paws despite protest from his ever-whining alter ego, trying not to get excited.   
  
"But you know kitty, she left. And he stayed. And after he realized that I wasn't in love with Victor, we were friends again. That made me really happy. But you know what else kitten?"  
  
Ron looked up trying to pull an indifferent face, which came out as a sort of a half drooly twist.   
  
"I love him."  
  
Ron froze.   
  
"I really do kitty," Hermione said as she got up to change. Suddenly Ron made a flying leap, that would have made a gold in the Cat Olympics and landed squarely on her shoulder.  
  
"Ah, *giggle*, you want to play…" But Ron wasn't listening. He was too busy kissing the girl of his dreams (well as best you can when you're a cat).  
  
'Shelovesmeshelovesmeshelovesme!!!!!!' he purred as he planted kitten kisses all over her neck.   
  
'She loves me, she said so, she loves me… ***Ummm…Ron? Ron? HELLLLOOOOO? Are you there? Ron, get some control! Has he shut me down????..*** Hermione's in love with me, Hermione's in love with me ***Oh boy, I've lost him…***'   
  
But Ron was too wrapped up to hear.  
  
Five minutes of tickle kisses later, Hermione took the still drooling Ron/cat off of her and placed him on the bed. Parvati and Lavender returned giggling from the bathroom, looking like twin sisters from Frankenstein's Bride.  
  
'What have you two Ditz Witches done to yourselves?' he thought, the horror of the scene in front of him squashing all romantic thoughts instantly (which was real feat considering Ron had spent the past two years fantasizing over Hermione…not even Snape could do THAT)  
  
"What have you two dears done with yourselves?" gasped Hermione.  
  
"It's a facial cream foundation super deluxe beauty potion! Guaranteed to keep men at home and at your feet."  
  
'Yeah, because they take one look at you and die of fright,' thought Ron.   
  
"Ooookaayyy, what ever you say. I'm going to the bathroom to change. Don't do anything to the kitten," said Hermione shaking her head.   
  
A few minutes later she was back as and the rest of the sixth year Gryffindor girls began to filter in. A half an hour later Hermione locked the door and told everyone to get ready for bed.   
  
Ron began to get nervous. 'Umm, Mind? Are we being locked in the Girls dormitory? **Of course we are you git! We're staying with Hermione remember?** '  
  
'Omigosh. I'M BEING LOCKED IN THE GIRLS DORMITORY!' He thought desperately. But just then Hermione decided to change the shirt was was going to sleep in…  
  
'Oh yes…I'm being locked in the girls' dormitory…' he thought mischievously…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok we can stop here because we are very polite writers. Lets just say cats can see in the dark and he's in the girls' dormitory at night and well you get it right?   
BWAHHAHAHHAHAH!!! Nah, Nah nayahnah nah!!!! You won't know what happens until we say so…Don't worry we'll post the next chapter right after finals…sometime in mid July….hehehehe :D We are sooooooooo awful. "But Bwain what SHOULD we name the cat?"  
"That's what we're asking the reader, Pinky."   
"But but Bwain…"   
"Pinky do NOT force me to physically hurt you!"   
  
Okay readers, pick a name! Especially you Rin Berry because you review and you read X-men, which makes you extra special CJJL. (My X-men work is under the name Opaque but, one's a Gambit story and we know you like Logan and Rogue {not our personal favorite} and the other's a Scott story, but if you don't like them please don't start reading out Harry potter STUFF!!)  
  
They're Pinky, They're Pinky and the Bwain Bwain Bwain bwain bwain…didididumdumm dum dum   



	3. Part 3

Disclaimer: We own nothing duh.   
  
AN: Our special thanks to Rin Berry again because we like you! And to Haley our close second, because we like Remy and Rogue together forever too! (I'm writing a Remy fic called Just Watching and Cracks on the Surface under the name Opaque. That's just Brain work though so be prepared it's a really different style)  
  
We like ALL your names so just wait and see which one won.   
  
  
The next morning Hermione awoke and stretched arousing a sleeping Ron/cat from her…well… chest. After a few moments of droopy morning wake, she shot out of bed.   
"RON. I have to see if he's back!" said Hermione throwing the covers-and the cat-on the floor.   
'Hermione, that's no way to say good morning!'  
  
Hermione turned quickly at the sound of muffled from meowing. "Oh, I'm sorry kitty, but we have to find Harry and see if Ron has come back."  
Scooping the cat into her arms, she made her way over to the boys dormitory.   
  
BANG! BANG! BANG!  
  
Seamus was dreaming of Lavender's neck… Neville was dreaming of missing Toads getting eaten by owls and HARRY was having a wonderful dream. He was dancing on a sliver lake with a girl…a beautiful red headed girl…  
  
  
BANG! BANG! BANG!  
  
Somehow the music was getting interrupted by a banging, so he rolled over and stuffed his head under the pillow. Oh that was better…back to the silver lake and the BEAUTIFUL red head…  
  
BANG!!!!!! BANG!!!!!! BANG!!!!!! BANG!!!!!!!  
  
"ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!!" he shouted throwing the covers off cursing the person who had interrupted his most favorite dream.   
"All right now what's the big idea of waking us all up…Hermione! What's wrong?"  
  
"Did Ron come in last night?"  
"Err---that is----well…."  
"Oh Harry we HAVE to go McGonagall."  
  
Nodding, in agreement the two parted ways to get dressed. A few moments later Harry skipped down the steps (Hermione took longer, I mean come on she IS a girl) and Harry entered the common to find a sleeping Ginny sprawled out on the chair. Walking over to her, he leaned over the sleeping beauty (AWE Bwain!!! This is supposed to be a comedy! Not a sappy Fluff story!!! Yeah yeah, just a minute)   
"Ginny, Ginny?" he said softly shaking her shoulder.  
"Hmm…Ron? Is that you?"  
:"No Ginny its Harry, Ron---didn't come in last night."  
"Oh, Harry, now I really am scared! I waited up all night for him..!"  
"Shhhh…Me and Hermione are going to McGonagall right now." He said soothingly wrapping his arm around her quaking shoulders…  
  
Just then Ron came padding softly down from the girls dormitory stretching and contemplating breakfast… When he saw HARRY AND GINNY WRAPPED IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS ON THE COUCH!  
  
"Harry YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!!!" he screeched and making that same flying Olympic leap headed straight for Harry's head. '**Well actually Ron he's just a boy, not really a man….But hell we can kill him anyways…Go for the jugular! Bite scratch, tear his hair out!!!**'  
  
"AHHHHH, Ginny he's trying to rip my head off!!!!" screamed Harry trying to dismantle the orange ball of fur that was entangled in his hair.   
  
"I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF POTTER!!!' he meowed.   
  
"What's wrong with him, Harry? Did you step on his tail?"  
  
"NOOOO! JUST GET HIM OFF OF ME!!!"  
  
"Okay okay, come here, god you are just like Ron…," said Ginny wiping the tears from her eyes as she untangled the still struggling Ron/cat from Harry's hair. "What are we going to call you?"  
  
But naming the cat was the last thing on anyones's mind.   
  
  
  
Making their way up to professor McGonagall's office was kind of like watching a funeral procession. First came Hermione followed by Harry and Ginny (standing awfully close together) and last and orange cute stripy kitty going, "Meow! Meowowow! Meeeeowwwww!!!"   
  
##Translation##  
"Guys, guys! It's me! I'm right here! **they can't hear you…** They can to! They just…don't quite understand me… **Imagine that! Don't they have cat Dictionaries? Couldn't you precious Her-mi-one figure it out!** hey, Mind just leave her out of it!!! Or I'll--- **You'll WHAT! Shut me down? You couldn't make it down the hall with out me!!** Why you little…"  
  
Ginny turned around in between her sniffles to look at the cat who had gone from meow, to growling to…chasing his own tail?  
  
"Harry that cat is weird."  
"Tell me about it."  
  
  
When they finally reached Professor McGonagall's room it was Harry who approached her.  
  
"Uh…professor." Harry piped as the reached the office. Professor McGonagall looked up from the papers.  
  
"Yes Mr. Potter?"  
  
"We think Ron is missing professor," said Harry.  
  
"What makes you think that?" said professor McGonagall.   
  
"Well he wasn't in class yesterday and we waited for him all night and---he's just not here!"  
  
From that moment on Hogwarts was in an up roar. Ten minutes after the funeral procession, I mean Harry, Hermione and Ginny reached professor McGonagall, Hagrid was up and ready, armed with his precious Fang, searching the Forbidden Forest for him (or rather his remains). But they come up with nothing. The school was searched, as difficult as that was considering rooms in Hogwarts come and go as they please, but still no Ron.   
  
Harry collapsed in a heap in the common room next to a sobbing Ginny and an ashen Hermione. "This is CARZY!" he shouted. "How many places can a six foot tall red head hide!!!" But still no Ron. Of course there was no Ron. RON was the orange kitten tripping everyone's feet all day and meowing like there was no tomorrow.   
  
"MEOW!!!!!!" he bellowed, (if orange stripy kittens CAN bellow), much to Harry's announce.   
  
"WILL SOMBODY SHUT THAT CAT UP!!!!" Parvati yelled from the other side of the room.  
  
"YEAH DOESN'T HE KNOW A TRAGEDY WHEN IT HAPPENS!!!" yelled Seamus looking up from Lavender's neck.   
  
Ron was quiet. "Fine. Sit and mope all day and DON'T find me then." He mumbled ignoring Mind, who was cracking up laughing in his subconscious.   
  
****  
The next day wasn't any better. Hermione was trying not to cry and Harry was comforting Ginny (still, you would think he'd find something better to do).  
  
"He's the best brother ever! Oh where could he be? I hope he's all right! Maybe I should go write to mum and dad. " Ginny kept wailing through the sobs.  
  
"Shh there there Ginny I'm sure he's alright," Harry kept saying in a dreamy voice patting her head.  
  
"Will you two be quiet. Wailing over him is-gulp-not going to bring -double gulp-him back and I'm trying to study Astronomy," sniffled Hermione as she ruined her report by smearing it with tearstains.   
  
"Astronomy…Ast-RON-omy…Oh Harry!" Ginny wailed. But Harry didn't seem to mind, after all the more she cried the more she need someone to pat her back and her hair and brush the tears off her face…(yeah yeah we get the point, Pinky…BE QUIET BWAIN, DIS IS MY PART)   
  
  
* * * *  
  
As night came and the Gryffindors all gathered in the common room, miserable at the loss of their friend and getting rather annoyed at the CAT that kept meowing ALL DAY LONG.   
  
"I think I know what his problem is," said Dean.   
"What? Please tell me before I drown him," grumbled Harry.   
  
'Yeah, you wish Potter. Once I get my claws-I mean hands on you---you're gonna be a dead boy who lived. First my sister (and don't think I don't know EXACTLY what all the comforting is about SIR.) and now you think your going to drown me? Well see… **Yeah Potter, we'll BOTH kill you** Did we actually agree on something? **Yeah…scarier things have happened…** Like what? Agreeing with Malfoy? **Well we did let Snape rub our tummy…** True…."  
  
"I think we need to name him," said Dean.   
"Oh, that's right! He still doesn't have a name," said Hermione gathering up Ron. "Okay, any suggestions?"  
  
"Oh I know! I know! Lets call him Logan…or Wolverine. And we could call him Wolvie for short."  
  
Silence.  
  
Then came a "HUH?"  
  
"Oh come one, don't you people read X-men?"  
  
Hermione Parvati and Ginny all exchanged glances. "Errr----No."  
"Oh wait I do!" shouted Lavender much to Seamus's surprise. "Logan is cute but Remy is just dreamy!!!"   
Seamus's jaw dropped and then came the "Ahem, ahem!!!"  
"But not as dreamy as you dear…" (and they start smooching and drop out of the conversation)  
  
Dean turned away from the sickening sight and returned to the rest of the Gryffindors. "Well, it's this really cool Muggle comic, and Logan is THE COOLEST character---"  
  
"Not as cool as Remy, " gurgled Lavender in between a smooch.   
"Lav, just stick to kissing Seamus and keep out of the conversation," grumbled Dean returning his attention to the still unconvinced Gryffindors.   
  
"Well, he's got these claws and the just pop out and make this SHINKT noise, that he's famous for and these side burns and he smokes cigars and he was in love with a redhead called Jean, but then the movie came out and all these people think he should go with this other girl called Rogue , (who was a real babe, but then they cast Anna Paquin and they screwed her up) and she used to be in love with Gambit, that's Remy, the guy Lav's in love with after Seamus, and they were like really cute together but anyways, I THINK he should go with Storm but Marvel hasn't figured that out yet and---"  
  
Dean began to slow down…."So I thought we could name him that…"  
He took a quick look at Harry's raised eyebrow. "Or not. Hehehe…wrong obsession?"  
  
"Dean, stick to drawing," said Parviti taking the quivering Ron/cat from Hermione.   
  
"Okay, any other suggestions?"  
  
"We could name him, Pipistrelle," said Parviti "It's kinda cute."  
  
"I like it better than rose petal…but don't you think that's more of a Persian cat name? I don't hink this kitten could carry it off," said Neville leaning off the floor. "Call him something short and sweet, like Fluff or Snowball or… you know Whiskers …or Muffy."  
  
Hermione tilted her head. "Nnoo…I think he needs something a little more exotic than that."  
  
Ginny popped up, "What about something like Ramsus or something…that's an Egyptian name that Bill told me about."  
  
"I like Ramsus," said Harry.  
Parvati snorted, "Pipistrelle is better."  
"It's a bat's name."  
"Says who?"  
"SAYS ME."  
"I still like Wolvie," muttered Dean.  
"KEEP DRAWING!!" everyone shouted.   
"What about Seamus," drooled Lavender.  
"KEEP KISSING!!" everyone shouted.  
"But-"  
"I think---"  
"We should---"  
  
"EVERYBODY BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Hermione. And of course everyone listened because you DON'T argue with Hermione Granger when she gets THAT tone of voice.   
  
"I think we should call him Ron."  
  
Ron purred…"Didn't I tell you, Mind? She is a genius **Yeah whatever Lover Boy **"  
  
Hermione continued, "I mean Ron's gone. We need to do something to remember him by. And he is orange. And he has blue eyes. And kinda Ron's smile…"  
"Huh?"  
"Well, you get the point. And think, Ron hates cats…and when he comes back…you guys can all tease the heck out of him."  
  
Neville, Dean, Seamus and Harry all exchanged a glance. "Good point, we're calling him Ron."  
  
And so the cat was named…after himself.   
  
****************************************************************************************  
  
Ron was bored. With half of the Gryffindors sniffling over him in the common room and the other half (which contained Hermione) in classes he had nothing to do.   
  
'We could do some exploring…what do you think Mind? (he had taken to talking to Mind a great deal of late) **Well actually that's not a bad idea…Let's GO!**'  
  
So off they, that is HE, traipsed, all four paws padding softly down the stone passages.   
  
"**Um, Ron, where are we going?** Oh I don't know…just lets go have some fun. Oh I know! Snape's Dungeon! He doesn't have class now! **Great! Maybe we can get another tummy rub!**"  
  
Fifteen minutes later they arrived (it took a little longer on all fours and Ron had to stop and lick his fur some on the way).   
  
Snape looked grizzly, gruff, greasy, pale, sickly, mean and generally Snapish. But when he saw Ron/cat at the door an amazing thing happened. PROFESSOR SNAPE SMILED. (I'm not kidding.) well okay Snape smiles all the time but usually because he's fantasizing the death of various Gryffindors, but now he actually look happy. Weird…  
  
"Why Ronniekins! You came for a visit! Well come on and see what Uncle Snapey is fixing up."  
  
Snape picked up Ron a.k.a. Cat a.k.a. Ronniekins and took him over to a boiling kettle of something blue and bubbly.   
  
"This a is called Wartswaggeringsnuff. It's a very very deadly potion my wittle kitty witty Ronniekins but don't worry I don't use on wittle orangy kitties. Now maybe on that miserable red head in my class that's disappeared….Well any ways what it does basically is: Freezes your tongue, makes your face break out in warts, your toes turn blue, your eyes turn black and your nose fall off…"  
  
"Mind, are you thinking what I'm thinking? **Hm…Malfoy?** (In unison) PERFECT"  
  
But their scheming was stopped by a halted by Snape tickling them, I mean Ron, on the tummy.   
  
"Oh purr purrrrr purrrrrrrr…."  
  
Snape pushed his grizzly greasy, black hair out of his face. "Let's check out all my ingredients! Here's Lillyspice, that has Veela powers for love potions…  
  
"**Hermione, I suppose?** Mind, do you have to ask?"   
  
"And this is Nightshade, that's poisonous…"  
  
"We'll add that to the Wartswaggeringsnuff for Malfoy, **You got it!**"  
  
"And this is called Loverleave, which is makes two people in love hate each other."  
  
"Harry! **Are you sure? Maybe we should do it Lavender and Seamus, their getting kind of disgusting** Mind, where are your priorities? WE HAVE TO SAVE GINNY!! **But, Ron, Those two are gross! I say Seamus** Harry! **Seamus!** Harry! **Seamus!** Harr-"  
  
"Ronniekins? What's wrong? Why in the name of Merlin are you growling at your tail?"  
  
Ron snapped out of his argument and purred obligingly. He would deal with Mind later.   
  
Snape settled down behind his desk putting Ron on the desk. "You see, Ronniekins, my life is miserable. No one likes me. No appreciates my work. No one thinks I'm handsome. They all drool over that twit Lockhart. I'm planning on accidentally spiking his wine with Hairfuzzballaire. Make all that weedy hair of his shed like a dog! Hehehe!! Ahem. Anyways, I'm in love. Didn't you know?"  
  
"Can people like Snape fall in love, Mind? **Shh---don't interrupt him, we're getting to the good part."  
  
"…Yes I'min love with-with-with…"  
  
"ALRIGHT ALREADY!!! JUST SAY IT!!!!"  
  
"Kitty witty is something wrong?"  
  
"**You idiot! Now he'll never tell!*** Shut up!, Mind."  
  
"I'm in love with Minerva. She beautiful and smart and funny…"  
  
"And about thirty years older than you? Are you kidding? This guy needs help **Tell me about it and did he say she was funny? Riigghhhttt…that must be when that split personality of hers takes over.** You know, Mind, I don't believe in split personalities…people talking to themselves like they've got other people in their minds? **You're right Ron, completely ridiculous.**"  
  
Just then the bell rang. Snape stopped petting Ron and looked at his time-table. "Oh dear, Ronniekins, I have a class now. I must get you out of here before any of my student show up."  
  
Ron meowed in agreement and jumped off the desk. Besides he had all the information he needed. Just as soon as he could get Malfoy with that Wartswaggeringsnuff…   
  
Ron went tripping down the halls again. It was blissfully free being a cat--- no inhibitions, no worries, no enemies…  
  
"Just where do you think your going, peck?"  
  
Ron turned around slowly. And saw….   
  
  
  
  
And we leave you with a hanger cliff. 'Cliff hanger, Bwain.' That's what I said Pink. 'Um it says Hanger cliff… BASH!! I mean-- Cliffhanger cliffhanger."  
  
Who is the mysterous stranger threatening our poor Ronniekins? Is Ron schizophrenic? Or does he just have a split personality? Is there hope for Snape and McGonagall? Is Harry going to finally get Ginny? Or will Ron kill him first? These and other question to be found out in next weeks episode…  
  
They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain Brain Brain Brain….  
  
Thanks for all those who suggested names for Our kitten. We liked Ramsus and Pipistrelle best. We'll type more soon!   



	4. Discontinued

This story will be discontinued. Circumstances have forced us to stop writing fan fiction. We are sorry it had to be like this, but we don't have a choice. We would like to thank Rin Berry and all our other reveiwers for sticking with us. And if anyone wants to continue this story on there own they are welcome to . 


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